Well...I did it! I survived my first day back to work after four months of laying on the couch watching HGTV and spending time with my little best friend. And I did it with minimal tears and without having to re-apply my makeup. Success!
Around 5am Emily started to fuss so I scooped her out of the pack and play and brought her downstairs for our early morning snuggle. When the alarm went off at 6:30am I reluctantly deposited a still sleeping Bean into her swing and jumped in the shower. James eventually mosied downstairs to take over baby duty while I got ready. I can't really put my finger on where the morning went awry but at one point James said "Babe? Are you almost ready to go? It's 7:50." Crap! I did so much rushing around in that 10 minutes that I had no time to process what was about to happen. I threw on my coat, grabbed my coffee and the tears started to form behind my eyes as I kissed my husband and little girl. I ran for the door, hoping James wouldn't see me crack. I would've made it too if I hadn't left the cookies I'd baked for my coworkers sitting on the breakfast bar.
"Are you ok?" James asked as I hesitated with my hand on the doorknob. I nodded and debated leaving the cookies and just making a run for it. Instead I turned around and let James see the tears streaming down my face. I wordlessly grabbed the cookies, gave them each an extra kiss and got the hell out of there. As I pulled down the driveway I watched James and Emily in the doorway, James moving Emily's little hand to wave goodbye to me as I pulled away.
I pulled myself together in the 30 minutes it takes me to get to work and figured I could handle this. I had to make a second trip to my car just to drag in all the stuff I had armed myself with to resume my life as a working woman-breakfast, lunch, snacks...all the things a fat girl needs to get her through the day.
The day went surprisingly fast as I reset various passwords that I had forgotten and re-learned how to do various tasks that had been second nature mere months ago. I even had to ask poor Tricia how to dial out on my work phone. Insert me hanging my head in shame here. I had two pictures of Emily with me that I gladly showed people-one from Disney of her, Logan and Belle and one of her and me that we took in a photo booth at the boardwalk.
I teared up only three times, including when I got the edible arrangement my mother sent me but signed from Emily. Is my mom the greatest or what? So far I was holding it together better than I thought.
Then at lunch I made a tragic discovery. The brand stinkin new cardigan I was wearing had not one but two holes in the right arm! Eff you Old Navy! Thanks to you I showed up to my first day back at work looking like motherhood left me so frazzled and/or penniless that I couldn't manage to put together an outfit sans rips or holes. Awesome. And of course I purchased this cardigan a good month ago which means that even if I had the receipt (I don't) they certainly don't have these sweaters in stock anymore to replace it. Not like they'd take it back worn anyway. So this leaves me two options: throw it away and cut my losses or sew the two holes so I can wear it again. Great. Like I have time for that. Or like I even know how to sew.
But I won't let a few small holes take away from the fact that I made it through the day unscathed. Emily and I can survive a few hours apart from one another and despite my fears it did not feel like I was missing a limb. She even went to her 4 month checkup with James-13.2 pounds and 25.5 inches. My girl is tall and skinny! Now she is bathed, we are both fed and we are cuddling on the couch watching Dancing with the Stars. Life is good.